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Nov
12

The Kanye Way

First off, I’d like to apologize for not helping to make the world a better place by “publishing” more advice this week. My computer crashed last Saturday and that threw off my writing schedule. The free advice for the week is to make sure that you have an adequate backup of your important files. I myself did not. Fortunately, I was able to pull things together enough to write my ‘Unsolicited Advice for Celebrities’ column because this week’s subject definitely needs it.

I really, really, really, really wanted to write about Miley Cyrus this week. There is a growing tension (and some might say hypocrisy)  in society between protecting children while  their idols running around like over sexed jail bait. The furor that 17 year old Miley caused this week by showing off mild side boobage with a tattoo was expected. I wanted to write about it because I feel like she’s going to need advice when she turns 18 in 12 days (not that I’m counting) to handle the internet exploding with Pedobear excitement not seen since the Olson twins turned legal.

Yo - AK, IMA let you finish but Dan Savage had one of the best advice columns of ALL TIME!!!!!

But then there is Kanye and I can’t ignore Kanye this week. In case you missed it over the last month Kanye West has been all over the news. There might be naked pictures of Kanye floating around. Kanye considered suicide. Kanye has bat shit crazy album covers that were censored. Kanye apologizes to George Bush. Kanye rants and raves about the Today Show on twitter.

I feel like Kanye needs a big hug. A big hug and some Valium. A big hug, some Valium and for someone to take away his Twitter account.  It seems like Kanye is trying to make a genuine effort to act somewhat normal and the tension between normalcy and insanity is causing such friction in his personality that it’s actually causing him to go crazier. At some point all the insanity that is bottled up by his fleeting attempt to look like a normal human being is going to blow in some sort of epic meltdown. Insanity must be vented from time to time to release the pressure.

Kanye please don’t make any effort to act normal. We all know that you’re insane.  That’s why we pay attention to you. Now granted, Mike Myers and Taylor Swift might not appreciate your craziness as much as we do, but the general public is waiting to see what sort of crazy shit you’re going to do next. You are a talented musician and insanity and musical talent and insanity often walk hand in hand through a field of lollipops on their way to pet the unicorns. We accept it.

Kanye you are responsible for my favorite one minute and 50 seconds in television. When you started your rant about the plight of black people after Hurricane Katrina I couldn’t take my eyes of Mike Myers. For those who haven’t seen it, here it is:

He looked as uncomfortable as anyone has ever looked on television. He realized that he was part of a run away train and the only way it would end was by crashing into a school bus full of children that had stalled out on the tracks. The look of horror on his face when you said that George Bush didn’t care about black people was a moment that I will think about and laugh at on my death bed.

That kind of memorable moment of pure unadulterated insanity can only come about if you let go and don’t try to act normal. Your craziness is part of what’s made you a success. Don’t go around apologizing to George Bush. Do you really think that W cares if you think he’s a racist? Most upper class white males just assume that rappers are going to think that they’re racists and hate black people. It goes with the territory and they’re fine with it. Don’t apologize to Taylor Swift. She’s smart enough to realize that your moment of insanity gave her far more publicity than she ever could have ever hoped for by just accepting an award for a video that most people have never seen.

If you feel like giving in to your crazy inhibitions is going to ruin you then do what The Beatles did. Stop touring and limit your public appearances. Just write music, and crank out albums. Maybe if you focus all that insanity on music instead of running around on tour or hanging out at awards shows you’ll come up with something really great. Your craziness has gotten you where you are today. Don’t let it go. Think of all that you’ve accomplished. After all, how many people could get George W. to say, “I’m not a Hater.”

Hope that helps.

-AK

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